3 Boys and a Mom - Diary of a Tagteam

11 days and counting!! ELEVEN DAYS!!!! I can't believe I am sooo close to the finish line!!!

Soooo Dad is gone.... safely ensconced back in Korea in his apt there... The house seems so quiet and empty without him and yet it's sooo nice..... I miss him but I don't..... Well it's back to finishing up things here at work so I can head home to cook, cook, cook!!!!

Well it's been a LONG weekend.... E was a MAJOR Asshole!!! I can't take the stress much longer - the verbal abuse, the attempts to control me and the shit he says/does to purposely make my life hell are really starting to take their toll on me... And my poor Dad - he is stressed over it too - more so cause he's afraid to say anything to E about all the crap.... BUT E has signed up to volunteer for Baghdad for AAFES - one can HOPE!! Plus he's looking at the end of Dec as his move out date... GOD I can't wait!!! I really really can't....

Dilen is finally feeling better now but Deven is sick - he's starting to get that croupy cough so I have him on the steam vaporizer and the vapor patches.... I have the nebulizer out and ready to go.... *sigh* add to that I feel a tightness in my chest and a cough... UGH I hate change of weather....

I am getting a huge award on Friday from work - it's a big deal actually but I guess it's still not overly real yet... Daddy is getting a crystal eagle for 40 yrs of gov't service before he retires in Feb... Should be a nice afternoon...

We are headed to MD tomorrow to work on my mom's computer, see my aunt and go out to some All you can eat oyster place my Dad just HAS to go to.... We will be back on Thurs.... I feel very run down - I am constantly on the move lately and I am tired.... I love having Daddy here but I can't wait for him to go home so I can rest.... Well I have to finish packing.... til next time...

ARRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Annoying supervisors.... But more later...

Had a job interview this morning - it would be a slight promotion and normal hours - it went well as far as I could tell - should know more in a week or two....

Dad had Day Stay surgery today - he's doing fine although a little sore....

I am VERY VERY tired and see no chance to snooze in my future!!! ARRGGGGG Need to step away to recompose myself... Til next time....

I was thinking today of things I have lost or given up- my mind is one but hey that is a given!! Seriously - I have lost a child, I have given up the chance to have a 3rd child (alteast for the moment), I have given up my marriage, I have lost my wedding rings - ok they aren't lost - I pawned them along w/my stbx's ring and personally I have NO CARE to retrieve them - let someone else have a go at them - perhaps it will bring someone else more luck and happiness then they did I... and yet I am not overly sad - I have some regret over a third child - I really would like another one someday and I would have liked to have had all of my children have the same father but perhaps there is a greater plan for me.... I just wish I knew what it was.... This has actually been weighing heavily on my mind the past couple of days - that I have no chance of a 3rd child in the near future and it's been a struggle with acceptance... I can say that with my final court date of Dec 8th moving closer and closer each day I do see the light at the end of tunnel as far as going thru hell dealing w/E but still it's been a long and rocky road that has left me a train wreck...

Another issue I have been pondering is dating - just HOW does one go about dating??? Eventually I am gonna have to get back out there... It's been over 16 yrs since I dated and now I have children to boot!! Any suggestions???

Well it's off to get some work done and then perhaps grab a nap to avoid the overly annoying supervisor on shift - til next time...

**WARNING - greatly disjointed thoughts now appearing below**

*sigh* Guess I have been a little remiss in updating things this past week.... You know when I first started reading blogs I thought what wonderfully written voices so many people have... By reading them I can actually try to reconnect my brain w/reality and grown up topics... Then I started my own - driven by the need to release my pain but then it evolved and I had such high hopes of posting cleaver, interesting, intelligent thoughts but it's really just a bitchfest about my own boring life isn't it??? I am gonna have to work on that cause I am boring even myself lately...

And now... more drivel about the kids!

Dilen is still sick - not overly so but just enough to make him clingy and whiney ALL DAY. Deven seems to be stuck in a cycle that is getting to be hard to control - the highs are high and lows are LOW - I know having Dad home hasn't helped much but Deven has been having some REALLY rough moments recently that even I can't deal with... Dad is no help - he just comments that Deven is headed for Juvie w/his behavior and I need to get it under control, that my brother and I would NEVER think of acting/speaking as Deven does because we would have gotten our asses whooped, etc and makes off comments to the kids about them being babies, rotten, etc... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I DO love my father and other then beating his head in I don't know what to do to make him understand my kids are JUST FINE as they are - problem is they aren't like other kids so you can't expect them to behave as such.... Now I will admit they are slightly spoiled but I am working on breaking the nasty little habit they have of thinking they get something EVERYTIME we go to a store and that I will NOT put up w/them acting like they have NO manners or listening ears in public... but on the same note you need to really work on picking your battles because just a simple "No you can't ..... " that all children are told now and again can set off a bipolar child leading to a 30 min ++++++ meltdown.... But enough about all that...

Daddy got out of the hospital on Halloween, he's been doing ok we have alot of follow up doc appts but other then that he's ok... We took a short trip to MD to see my aunt and mother - we stopped to see my grandmother - all in all it wasn't the best of trips overall but it wasn't a horrible one either... Grandma is doing very well in the aspect of eating, etc but man she's just not mentally in great shape nor are things well w/her heart and it all breaks my heart.... As does the interactions of my father with his sisters - I never realized just how much tension there is between them.... but alas I am sure every family has a similar story...

On a lighter note - Dad and I will be participating in the quarterly Award and Retirement Ceremony next week - He will be recognized for the 40 yrs of service he will have when he retires Feb and I am getting an award for my work on midnights the past 2+ yrs... It's an Commendation Medal for Civilian Service for those familiar w/the military/federal service.... it's a big deal to get and an even bigger deal for someone of my low grade (pay) level... I am very excited about it...

I have fallen behind in keeping up w/the boards and my friends but I hope to catch up soon... {{{HUGS}}} to everyone...

Well there is a particularly annoying supervisor on tonight (it's the same one I bitched about months ago - she's back UGH UGH UGH) so I better go - plus I have been working on this post for over 2 hrs and my train of thought has been lost repeatedly and it's turned into a collection of wild, disjointed ramblings... Til next time...